Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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