Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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