when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
