I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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