My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
