Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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