I heard we made out
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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