i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
