Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
