the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
