I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
