Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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