I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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