I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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