took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
