Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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