So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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