You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
FUCK WHALES
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
