i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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