I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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