Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this will be a night to untag.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
