If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
