ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
