remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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