just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
