just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
