My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
