She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
