Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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