...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
