She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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