I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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