I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
