the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
