god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
