Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
