So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
