She is in my trunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
