some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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