I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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