my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
