my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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