i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
