Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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