What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know, be my cock's hype man.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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