You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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