I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
