Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
