I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
