i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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