Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
