we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
