Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
