We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
