Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
