i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
