Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
