i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My breasts were aching with rage.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
