a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want nice things and good sex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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