this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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