I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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