I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize