My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
