I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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