At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
