Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
