Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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