It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
