Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
