Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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